Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Saying Goodbye

Being able to say goodbye is a necessary life skill that I am still working on developing. It's better. In the past I've relationally isolated myself to an extreme. If I only connected on a superficial level then a goodbye wouldn't hurt right? Well I've grown a lot and learned how to escape my isolation. Now goodbyes hurt. But it's a skill I'm learning.

Today was my last session with Ty. Yes I will have sessions with him in Lubbock a couple of times a month starting in about 3 weeks or so but I have seen him every week since November aside from Christmas break. Sometimes twice a week. It's not him really - well it is in part. I truly believe that our clinical relationship was truly orchestrated by God. There are just TOO many coincidences. But it's also the safety and comfort I felt in those sessions - of truly being able to be transparent even with my ugliest "stuff". There is a comfort in that - that I will surely miss. Yes I will still go to Lubbock but it will be different. But today I am missing knowing that I will not be going back to ACU for our sessions. I felt such a peace there as I walked past Jacob's Dream to my sessions. I remember setting outside and listening to my meditations or praying or simply breathing in the air and feeling good about life.

One day I won't need my sessions with Ty. I look forward to that on many levels. But a part of me already is sad about that. Bittersweet. But in the meantime I'll go to Lubbock when I can. And it will be different. But I know my work in this season is not done - so different is uncomfortable but I am choosing to embrace it. That in a of itself is a huge journey for me.

And in turn feeling all of these emotions about this last Abilene session with Ty made me miss Julia and Judy even more. I am so happy they are happy where they are. They deserve that. But know I miss them all - they've each played such an integral part in my emotional connecting and healing. I simply miss them.

Julia and Judy will always be there for me. I know that. And eventually my time with Ty will come to a close but this scripture brings me peace. "Be strong & courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9.

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