Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Peace From Kathy

My friend Kathy's peace and faith have greatly encouraged me. If she can have that faith and peace so can I. I am praying for her constantly for healing and peace. Let me share her words of faith.

Kathy's Words:

It's surreal but I am not in denial. I am grateful for all that I have had so far in my life and hope to continue this journey here on earth. It's in God's hands. I do believe he can perform a miracle, an epiphany. Of course, I am in for the fight, I am human and will do that....oncologist, chemo....all of that stuff I will start tomorrow..but God has embraced me....I feel it. He didn't do this to me but He did let it happen for some reason that I do not understand...yes, I want a miracle...and I pray for one...but I also pray for peace. I was in church on Sunday and we were singing "Do Lord of Do Lord oh do remember me" and I was crying and looking at my children singing along. Broken heart and spirit, but I continued to sing because I wanted God to hear me, "remember me!!!" I felt as if he had forgotten me, I was singing like "it's me, do remember me" and I felt that he said (not audible but peace I have had since) say "I DO remember you". No, I still have cancer, stage 4 and have been blindsided, my children may never remember me and their lives are forever changed. Yet, I still feel there is something to be grateful for. Of course, I have moments of despair and a deep hurt in my soul that's indescribable but If I ask God to help and give me peace, it comes and I get some relief. I do not want to die, I want a miracle, I want the doctors with what God has provided to cure me or God just cure me...however...I know not curing me does not mean prayers unanswered. Peace for myself and strength for Jim and guidance for my children and for my children to know God...is prayer that is being answered. I do not have the human will to open this computer and type this, to talk to my mother about some of the little stuff we talked about....still discipline my kids...that's a hard one, lol. but I must not just let the whole house become chaos because I might die soon, for their sake.

Yes, pray for a miracle please, so many people are praying (and God likes intercessory prayer!)pray for a miracle for sure...but also for peace. A miracle I want...but not curing me is not unanswered. So what I am saying is, even in your human mind you think prayers aren't working....they are...I feel peace and when you are in dark despair and peace sets in....you know how important it is. I know my peace will come and go....because of my human capacity but my soul is saved and I will go towards God and not away from him.....it's the only route for peace despite the circumstances. Don't get me wrong, I am scared and will have despair..but I must remember I am not alone.


the undomesticated wife said...

That's such a good attitude. I, however, just am not wired that way, and I know I'd just be pissed at at the world. She's very inspiring!

Smartie Duck said...

What an amazing letter. I don't know if I'd have had the strenth/faith to write those words when I was diagnosed.

I wasn't pissed, but found myself simply wanting to run far, far away.

I continue to pray for her miracle and peace to reign.